Just a little patience.
That’s all.
I am now looking around for the cops. I don’t want to spend another night in the station. They become more and more brutal. Last time I saw with my own eyes how they were kicking a pregnant woman. Well she was a criminal, I’m sure about that. I am a criminal – I’m sure about that, too.
The first time I was there I saw a seventy-something year old man being stripped and showered with cold water; a young mother being strip-searched in front of her daughter; a student being beaten to unconsciousness.
But that was in the past – a few years ago.
Now they wouldn’t be accused of the same crimes.
Things they did are no longer considered crimes.
I go along the curb and hide behind the postboxes. The sun is setting now and makes my game of hide and seek incredibly distorted with all the shapes and colors like in a comic book.
‘The man with the harmonica…’
There are the sirens!
Fuck!!!
They won’t see me! They can’t see me from there… can they…?
Ok!
Next time - be more careful!
First time I got caught was because I had a long hair. It was a stupid thing to do but I just went on the street and…
By some habit I was doing the things the way I used to do before.
BEFORE…
Before… that was a good time…
You never heard me SAY THAT!!!
I was away for years and when I got back to my own country things were already different!
Much different!
- Hey, asshole! Get the fuck out of here! – the bartender shouts at me. He obviously doesn’t want any troubles. – I don’t want any troubles!
See…
I’m once again outside. The sun is almost behind the horizon and the night embraces the earth with its dark blue ghostly cobweb.
I see the patrol car on the other side of the street!
Oh, no!
The door opens. The cop gets out fast like a bullet. The other cop, too.
They go inside the bookstore. Thirty seconds later they come out dragging some poor sucker into the car.
No one is paying any attention to all that. People are used to these things.
They know.
Everybody reads papers and watches TV.
They HAVE to know all the new laws.
I jump behind a postbox and pray they won’t see me.
The car leaves with smoking wheels.
- Hey, there’s another one! There’s another one – some lady shouts and points at me.
I run away.
Fast.
Five and a half years ago a group of people made a revolution. They made great changes in my country! None of them wanted to rule. “So noble they are” – people were saying.
They made the new laws and then left all the power to others.
One of the laws says that the president is a president for a year.
One year.
And everybody can be a president.
So the president is elected by a committee that…
The president is chosen by all the names in the phonebook.
By chance.
Now everyone can be a president.
The president makes all the laws!
All the laws are made by the president.
You got the point!
Every president makes new laws!
All the new laws are made by one person and strongly depend on his or her mood… at the moment!
First of my crimes was: I had long hair.
Second one was: I had a beard.
Latest one was: the blue t-shirt I was wearing.
I’m now wearing a vest without sleeves and the tattoo on my shoulder can be seen. I’m near my home – I still have a chance to get home before they get me!
I thought it’s legal now to have a tattoo…
When did they change that again…?!
Why don’t I read papers?!?!?!?!
It was two years ago when I had a phone call from the poll committee. I was elected for president.
I had to sign a declaration (classified) that was saying I will make at least thirty new laws in the next year.
The idea is that people need to know every new law if they don’t want to go to jail. They read papers, watch TV, listen to the radio and… that’s how solid advertising auditory was created!
This is the truth: the people who made the revolution were ad agents who created best market for their clients. If you can’t make people see your ads… you can MAKE them to!
Right?
When I was president my new laws were simply removing of the old laws.
I wasted my time – the next guy came up with even more new laws…
The idea is now a little changed – the poll committee chooses weird people that will make terrible laws and will rule with brutality – that’s how the people will always be interested in last news. Every day and night – sitting in front of their TVs, reading papers, wearing headphones listening to the radio…
There is the entrance!
I’m close!
So close!
Finally I’m home!
O-o-h! I close the door.
Relief!
I go to the kitchen.
Take a glass and put gin and tonic inside. I like gin and tonic. It makes me happy.
There on the table is my new fake passport.
I have to leave! I have to get out of here.
Today I had meeting with the man. He said everything is now ready. He had to take some time to arrange things – and there… I’m going!
At last!
Tomorrow at six. I just have to be patient.
“Mr. President…”
“Yes?” – I say.
“What should we do with these people?” – the adviser asks.
“What people?”
“The medical experts who insisted to meet you! They’re outside - waiting”
“I don’t know. Let them in.”
“But, sir, they’ll be talking about the epidemic.”
“What epidemic?”
“That flu, sir… well it’s not exactly flu… but…”
“Why shouldn’t I see them?”
“Well, sir, we don’t want this news now. Plus you are vaccinated and we all are.”
“But the people…”
“Don’t forget you have so many things to complete! New laws are waiting. You have obligations to the people who made you president! Sir! Do you want people to find out you don’t even know about the epidemic?! Sir?”
That’s…
… all…
… in the past…
… now…
Tomorrow at six. I just have to be patient.
Gin and tonic…
Someone’s knocking on my door.
- POLICE! Open up!
What do they want now?
If you can’t make people see your ads… you can MAKE them to!
Right?
Right.
--------------------
First published in Thieves Jargon, 3 March 2006
Deluxe Pool
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